Be Afraid and do it anyway

what life was really like for me after quitting my 9–5

I read this quote recently by Carrie Fisher (General Leia in the original Star Wars movies).

Stay afraid but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.

I don’t know how long ‘eventually’ is supposed to take but I quit my job almost 3 years ago and I’ve been afraid almost EVERY DAY.

Did I make the right choice? Was I overreacting? My God, why did I buy an apartment with all this inflation? How will I pay my bills? Do I have to move back home with my parents? And of course — am I a failure?

And some of these are legitimate questions.

I thought it would take me 3–4 months to ‘rest’ then I would either start my consulting business (that would be successful immediately) or get a new amazing job where I would get the salary I deserve in a marketing team I could really learn from, while being a boss after hours or on the weekends, and still have plenty of time for my hot boyfriend and the cat we didn’t yet have.

But life had other plans for me.

3 Myths I had about quitting my job

• You need a plan before action: Turns out you don’t. No one checks (there is no guy from the government with a clipboard that tells you, you can’t quit without one) and you can’t get into trouble (at least not yet). While I would have loved to wait for another 6 months and pay off my debt, save a little more money, got that business set up my with a string of new, wonderful clients, started my weightloss journey and got back into daily yoga and meditation and painted enough art for my own art show, and and and.
• You need to gain more experience/knowledge before going it on your own: No — you don’t need to pay another subscription to Masterclass, or enroll in another course you won’t finish. You could probably brush up your skills in one or two software tools in your area but that’s it. No more workshops — no more excuses. Just start. You will figure it out along the way. That being said, starting a new business (even if you’ve worked in the field before) is like being a tiny little baby and you will have a baptism by fire: assume you know nothing and be kind to yourself while you learn.
• Everything will be better once you leave a toxic [insert appropriate noun here] behind. It’s like the haircut after the breakup. It may help you win the breakup on the Gram but it doesn’t really change anything tangible. Physically, I’ve changed a lot over the last 3 years (for better AND worse) but changing my appearance had little to no effect on my daily stress and anxiety. Trying to maintain my previous hair, makeup, nails and eyelash appointments was unsustainable and just added stress. I still have a lot of stress and anxiety. I wake up most mornings terrified that I will lose my home because, with rising interest rates, I simply can’t afford it. Having free time to set your own agenda — it’s hard. I’ve run a loose ship and can’t be trusted with keeping my own deadlines (if you’re a new or existing client, I’m saying this for dramatic effect). I still get sick a lot. Turns out, quitting didn't magically solve all my boundary issues in my relationship with work.

The first 30 days post-employment

what I thought it would be

The first month was not the peaceful, serene utopia that I imagined it would be. That I, finally the master of my destiny, would have these magical days of sleeping in late and waking up with inner peace. Days filled with late-morning lattes and forest walks and staying up all night writing my novel that would be such a ridiculously good read, Neil Gaiman would say “Now that is good art”. Meeting up with friends for glorious late lunches on winefarms where we would talk about how amazingly I am handling unemployment. How great I look now that I have time to be myself. Friends I hadn't seen in months because of my ridiculously busy and important schedule — it would all be so Disney Princess-level perfect. I would get my yoga teacher certification (after barely doing any yoga in the last 2 years). And, hello, Netflix documentary.

What it really was like

The first week, I was still trying to finish off work from the job I had quit, that I’d promised to do (but never had the time), which of course I couldn’t and just gave up halfway.

I struggled to sleep. I stayed up late at night watching garbage and gorging myself on fast food and cheap treats hoping for some instant gratification. I woke up at 2am in a frenzy thinking I’d forgotten to send an email or finish a report. Surprise, surprise, my toxic routine hadn't miraculously changed overnight.

I still had my family obligations and an ailing mother and the stress of that hadn’t subsided with quitting my job. I was so close to a complete breakdown I could taste it — the plan was to quit so I could survive, and I just wanted to jump to the part that was good.

A note to those pondering

No, it’s not just you.

Burnout is real — Burn-out is an “occupational phenomenon” by WHO. Despite articles such as https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-adrenal-fatigue-real-2018022813344 claiming adrenal fatigue isn’t real — having poor working habits ( lack of boundaries, high stress position, taking on the emotional burden of collegues etc, feeling undervalued), depression, anxiety, lack of fitness, poor eating habits and poor sleep contribute to a life that you feel too exhausted to enjoy.

My main takeaway

So if you’ve been wondering for a while whether you should quit your job, you probably should. But the reality is, that for most of us, we can’t afford not to earn a steady income for a year (or two or three). The truth is, it takes a village — don’t believe your brain when it tells you if you’re not good enough, strong enough, whatever enough. That you need to do this alone. It’s setting you up to fail so that you can go back to what feels familiar — even if it kills you.

No matter how prepared you think you are — nothing beats lived experience. Like my girl Brene says “ there’s a lot of perfectionists out there with unfinished books.” So, just get out there and do it, then share you’re story and hopefully, it will make someone else brave too.

A book that really helped me during this process of starting my own business is from Shea Karssing, find the book here. More about what I learned to run a successful business in upcoming articles. Stay kind and continue to be brave.

Note: If you’re local (in South Africa), you can contact SADAC, a trusted friend, coach, or a psychologist if you are having thoughts of self-harm.